I rarely blog about my thoughts or feelings here, but in recent weeks, I find myself struggling with a lot of things. Particularly, existential crisis (self-proclaimed, I guess).

Everyday is a constant battle with myself and between the things I love to do and the things I have to do.

Of course, everyone can be passionate about a lot of things. It is not like you're married to a passion and cannot do anything else other than that. I am passionate about a lot of things, But so many times, qualifications (i.e academic results, years of experiences etc) outweigh passion. Just because I'm less qualified to do something, doesn't make me less passionate about it.

I wish I could just do something that I really like, and not do something that is RELATED to what I like. The feeling is just completely different.

I wish I had the motivation to press on and achieve what I had in mind. Or had I gotten better grades 3 years, or maybe even 8 years ago, I would be somewhere near my goal. But no, I was a terrible student. No straight As. Occasionally, there would be Bs, but C, D or F (fail) were a common sight in my report book.

And this is why now, I'm terribly lost. I have lost my direction in life. I no longer know what I am passionate about, or if passion can actually help put food on the table.

Maybe some (lucky) people get to do what they love or find their true calling in life. Some people, like me, don't and never will.